The Business of Being Born (9w5d)

Last night I went to see Ricki Lake's documentary, The Business of Being Born. It was showing at the Bayou Bijou on campus and sponsored by Gentle Birth Choices, the birthing center here in town.

What an amazing film ... I laughed, I cried and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Amongst other things, the film followed around a home-birthing midwife in the Manhattan area and showed several home births, including that of Ricki Lake's. Missy came with me and I think she was in awe (and sort of shocked) of the content -- I was a little more prepared, I think, just because so many of the concepts weren't new to me.

Jennifer Block, the author of Pushed, was also there presenting her book and doing a Q&A session after the viewing. I'm on the waiting list at the library to read her book and I'm excited to do so. It was quite interesting to listen to her and how she came about writing the book, especially since she's never given birth herself.

I also met several doulas, one of which I was thoroughly impressed with. She's in a partnership with another doula, who mainly serves the Baton Rouge area, and their business is called "Mothers Touch Doula". Their fee is better than René's (only $500) and they do monthly visits at home with me (and then every two weeks after 34w) instead of meeting once after 36 weeks. They were also both very excited at the idea of doing a Lafayette birth.

I'm going to schedule a consult with them as soon as I can.

We're also supposed to be meeting with Erica Norris tomorrow sometime. She's the doula from Alexandria. I met her last night and she seemed very nice. I'm looking forward to speaking with her as well.

Doula Class and Consultation (9w3d)

Saturday, Jason and I headed to Baton Rouge to meet with René and attend her class at Destination Maternity. The meeting with her went very well and I really like her. I trust in her expertise and think she would be an amazing addition to our birthing.

I hate two things, though. Her cost ($650) and the fact that she's in Baton Rouge. And I do wish she attended moms at home before heading to the hospital.

We still have time to decide, though, and I'm hoping that perhaps I'll meet someone tomorrow night at the screening of The Business of Being Born. It promises to be an exceptional meeting and I'm looking forward to hearing from the speakers as well.

We went to the Rio parade on Saturday night after we got home from BR. It was a blast. And we're looking forward to this weekend as well. It's the last year in Momma Flossie's house for Mardi Gras so we're making the most of it. Jen and I are cooking a variety of finger foods (my favorites!) and Ryan's making a gumbo. Hopefully Aunt Dani won't have to worry about too much else with regard to food.

Am feeling fine. Still tired and less nauseous ... I'll take it!

Now this is what having a family is all about. (8w5d)

Kids are amazing. Unequivocally astute and full of absolute wonder. Not a day goes by that our three don't simply amaze me. And touch me at the bottom of my soul.

They are very into this pregnancy. So curious. So precious. And I am so excited to share this with them. It's so different than last time whereas Hayes had barely any idea of what was going on. Toward the end, of course, he understood there were two babies inside Mommy's belly (it took us a long time to get him to understand that not every pregnant woman was having twins; to him they arrived in pairs). But he was 22-months when they were born. Still just a baby himself.

But now that they are almost 6 and 4, this is just a different ballgame. They ask me every single day how big the baby is now and are curious as to what s/he is doing. Mary Beth is convinced we are having a girl and she just lights up when she talks about her little sister.

Two nights ago we had what ended up being a pretty hard-core Q&A session regarding the baby. Sam wanted to know when the baby was going to be three. I laughed and explained that the baby had to be born first and (once again) that would be around the time that they start school in the fall at Fatima.

Then he wanted to know how the baby was going to get out of my belly. Hayes started to explain to him that they were going to cut a hole in the bottom of my belly and take the baby out (we'd discussed all three of their births before). I interjected to talk about how this time we were going to try and get the baby out the "regular way", by pushing it out. As soon as I said it I realized I'd opened up a can of worms.

Hayes got this inquisitive look upon his face, thought for a second, and then just went ahead and asked where would I be pushing it out of. And before I could say anything, Sam replied, "Hayes! Out of her mouth!" I couldn't stop laughing because it was so adorable. He then went on to tell me that he wished he could push it out for me. That Sam. So full of love.

Obviously we ended up having the vagina talk and surprisingly all three did very well with it and haven't mentioned it to me again. I was relieved when the phone rang, though, just as Sam got "how did the baby get in there?" out of his mouth. I'm not ready to tackle that one just yet.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (8w4d)

I finished reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth last night. It was fabulous. Everything I expected and more. It's divided into two parts; the first part is full of women's birth stories (mostly from the Farm -- the community where Ina May and her midwives deliver babies). The second part is Ina May's explanation of what happens to a woman's body when she gives birth.

One of the most interesting parts of Part II for me was Ina May's description of the "Sphincter Law" and how it applies to women during childbirth. I often look back on Hayes's birth and wonder what went wrong.

Logically, it was a combination of things: being induced, getting an epidural, him being posterior, pushing on my back, etc. Emotionally, it boils down to one: I wasn't comfortable. It was an absolute madhouse inside the delivery room. I wanted everyone to be a part of this miraculous day, not realizing that I was doing so to my own detriment. When it came time to push, I literally said, "I feel so exposed." Everyone in the delivery room laughed thinking it was me just being funny. But I was serious. There were just too many people starting at my vagina waiting for a watermelon to pop out.

I was scared to poop. I was scared to "lose it". I was scared to make noise. I was scared what everyone would think of me. Instead of being free to concentrate on my task at hand, I can remember wondering if my dad and brother could see anything as they were peeking around the curtain.

I'm off on a tangent a bit because I really wanted to talk about the Sphincter Law. I always thought it was the epidural that helped me dilate from 4 cm to 10 cm in less than two hours. But after reading Ina May's description, I have to wonder if me vomiting profusely after receiving the epidural helped out. She explains that if your mouth and throat are relaxed, so will your cervix and vagina. Quite interesting.

I cried a couple of nights ago to Jason about this whole situation. And he is so precious ... he teared up at one point too listening to me tell him my deepest desires. And my deepest fear. (Failure).

Luckily for me, I have quite a long haul to get to where I need to be mentally and emotionally before experiencing the most intense experience of my life. I definitely feel unprepared.

We are, however, taking steps to remedy that.

Tomorrow, I'm meeting with Dr. Tina Theriot, a chiropractor in New Iberia. She's trained in the Webster Technique, so hopefully I'll be able to see her for preventative care regarding breech and posterior positioning. Plus I have that whole tilted uterus thing going on right now, which Dr. Bourque assures me is normal, but I'd rather get everything in alignment.

On Saturday, we're heading to Baton Rouge to have our first consultation with the doula, René from Birth Help. Afterward, we're attending a free class she and her partner, Karen, give at a local maternity shop. I am hoping that Jason will fully understand the importance of a doula after these meetings, even though he's already fully supportive.

Well, it's off to start the day. I've been a total lazy ass the past few days and I really need to get up and moving. And I really, really need to exercise. But I don't wanna.

Questions for Dr. Bourque (8w2d)

Well, I finished reading Birthing from Within by Pam England and Rob Horowitz yesterday as well as The VBAC Companion by Diana Korte last night.

Both were inspiring and informative reads. I had anticipated Birthing from Within to be a little more earth-shattering based on the stellar recommendations I was given on it, but I think it had more to do with that what I was reading I already felt inside. If that makes sense. It was more of an affirmation of, "I can do this" than anything else.

And I truly believe that I can.

I wrote out a list of questions to ask Dr. Bourque at my next appointment. I'm sure I'm being ridiculous, but reading all of this information makes me want to re-confirm that he is truly on board for this. Because I'm committed and I honestly don't see any reason why I'm not a good candidate for a vaginal birth. Here's what I'm planning on asking him:

• Can I labor at home before leaving for the hospital?
• Do I have to be confined to the bed or do I have the option to walk around? Can I labor in the tub or shower once I arrive at the hospital?
• Can I be monitored intermittently as long as everything looks okay?
• Do I have to give birth on my back?
• How will your backups feel about my VBA2C if you are unavailable for delivery?
• Are there any restrictions you know of at LGMC re: VBAC candidates?
• Do I have any sort of time limit? How many weeks can I go before we are talking a repeat cesarean? How long can I be in labor?
  
• Can I wait to push until I feel the urge instead of automatically pushing at 10 cm? If the baby (or myself) isn't in any danger, are you okay with me waiting?

Some of the questions I'm only generally curious as to his reaction. I already pretty much know that I'm going to labor at home for a bit, because I know that I'll do better in familiar surroundings without feeling like I'm being watched or timed. Ideally, I'd like to arrive at the hospital before transition starts so that I can get myself comfortable and acquainted with my new surroundings ... before things start to get truly uncomfortable.

I will be concerned if I'm required to birth on my back, mostly because that just didn't work last time. Hopefully the baby won't be in a posterior presentation, but we never know. And although I'm going to do everything I can do prevent a posterior position, there's only so much I can do. I'm betting, though, that Dr. B is fine with whatever I want. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that he's going to support me in this.

I'm also a bit concerned about Dr. Daigle and/or Dr. Hardey (assuming he still shares rounds with these two) if Dr. Bourque isn't around. But he's not missed one of my births before -- and it's not like he has a history of doing so. But I do want to ask just so I know if he's got a vacation scheduled around that time.

I feel like I'm getting myself prepared mentally. I've been dreaming about the situation and honestly, I think reading on message boards is clouding my judgment on what this is truly going to be like. Also, Melissa (René's delivery at Women's) really scared me with her story about her OB. I don't think I have to fear what some of these women go through. But I also want to have the peace of mind that I've done everything I can in advance.

Ahhh. Crazy like this at 8 weeks. Jason's going to want to leave me by the end of this.

Speaking of, when I said in passing last night that I just wish we could have a home birth so we wouldn't have to worry about this, he wanted to know why we couldn't! I couldn't believe he'd even entertain the thought. What a doll.

We're going to VBAC! (8w1d)

8 weeks. And I already look 4 months pregnant. (Thank you, Mary Beth and Sam!)

My morning sickness has pretty much subsided, thank God, and I find that I'm only really queasy when I don't eat often enough.

I had my first appointment with Dr. Bourque last week and he didn't even balk when I asked about a VBAC (actually, VBA2C: vaginal birth after two cesareans). So naturally, I spent part of the week researching and obsessing over this.

A few conclusions I've come to:

• I want to deliver naturally. Despite how insane my family thinks I am, I know that my body can do this. And I know that I can handle it. And my best chance of successful VBA2C is natural delivery, especially considering how my labor/delivery with Hayes ended.
• I want to hire a doula. I've talked with several from this area and have only found one that I feel a true connection with. We spent an hour on the phone the other night and I felt that her experience would be invaluable to us.
• I want to train myself in Hypnobabies. At first I thought I'd like to do a Bradley Method class, but after reading different message boards, blogs and reviews, I think that Hypnobabies is right up my alley. Plus, René (doula) is familiar with Hynobirthing already, which is similar to Hypnobabies.

And I'm sure the list will grow as time progresses. But for now, I will begin reading the recommended reading. Jason's actually at the library now picking up 6 of my 7 requests. I'm so excited about this, I can hardly stand it. VBACing has been a dream of mine pretty much since Dr. B told me I needed a section with Hayes in the delivery room. I want so badly for this to happen.

And Baby Makes Six comes alive ...

Well, here we are ... expecting number four sometime in late August. And embarking on a very new adventure all around.

We have three children: Hayes, an extremely bright 5 1/2-year-old; Mary Elizabeth, a feisty and charismatic 4-year-old (okay, not technically four until the 5th); and her twin brother, Samuel, a child so full of love you can actually feel your heart melt a little when he gently whispers he loves you.

Each pregnancy brought its own set of circumstances and obstacles (as it was with the twins). And we are extremely excited to begin this journey again, perhaps a little wiser, definitely a little older, and with nothing less than open hearts.

For now, here's our family: