Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (8w4d)

I finished reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth last night. It was fabulous. Everything I expected and more. It's divided into two parts; the first part is full of women's birth stories (mostly from the Farm -- the community where Ina May and her midwives deliver babies). The second part is Ina May's explanation of what happens to a woman's body when she gives birth.

One of the most interesting parts of Part II for me was Ina May's description of the "Sphincter Law" and how it applies to women during childbirth. I often look back on Hayes's birth and wonder what went wrong.

Logically, it was a combination of things: being induced, getting an epidural, him being posterior, pushing on my back, etc. Emotionally, it boils down to one: I wasn't comfortable. It was an absolute madhouse inside the delivery room. I wanted everyone to be a part of this miraculous day, not realizing that I was doing so to my own detriment. When it came time to push, I literally said, "I feel so exposed." Everyone in the delivery room laughed thinking it was me just being funny. But I was serious. There were just too many people starting at my vagina waiting for a watermelon to pop out.

I was scared to poop. I was scared to "lose it". I was scared to make noise. I was scared what everyone would think of me. Instead of being free to concentrate on my task at hand, I can remember wondering if my dad and brother could see anything as they were peeking around the curtain.

I'm off on a tangent a bit because I really wanted to talk about the Sphincter Law. I always thought it was the epidural that helped me dilate from 4 cm to 10 cm in less than two hours. But after reading Ina May's description, I have to wonder if me vomiting profusely after receiving the epidural helped out. She explains that if your mouth and throat are relaxed, so will your cervix and vagina. Quite interesting.

I cried a couple of nights ago to Jason about this whole situation. And he is so precious ... he teared up at one point too listening to me tell him my deepest desires. And my deepest fear. (Failure).

Luckily for me, I have quite a long haul to get to where I need to be mentally and emotionally before experiencing the most intense experience of my life. I definitely feel unprepared.

We are, however, taking steps to remedy that.

Tomorrow, I'm meeting with Dr. Tina Theriot, a chiropractor in New Iberia. She's trained in the Webster Technique, so hopefully I'll be able to see her for preventative care regarding breech and posterior positioning. Plus I have that whole tilted uterus thing going on right now, which Dr. Bourque assures me is normal, but I'd rather get everything in alignment.

On Saturday, we're heading to Baton Rouge to have our first consultation with the doula, René from Birth Help. Afterward, we're attending a free class she and her partner, Karen, give at a local maternity shop. I am hoping that Jason will fully understand the importance of a doula after these meetings, even though he's already fully supportive.

Well, it's off to start the day. I've been a total lazy ass the past few days and I really need to get up and moving. And I really, really need to exercise. But I don't wanna.